


Liked, but Never Really Liked

by solgyu



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Light Angst, M/M, being on a dancefloor, getting drunk, honestly that's it, i suck at these tags i am sorry, kissing but not detailed omg, mentions of a party, more than friends less than lovers, soobin petty lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22558141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solgyu/pseuds/solgyu
Summary: This or that, bread or ice cream, blue or yellow, bunnies or foxes.Soobin never really liked choosing, he never liked being in between.Not when it makes him indecisive. Not when he feels so stupid for weighing both. And definitely not when it's about being in between being a lover and a friend to that boy named Yeonjun.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 121





	Liked, but Never Really Liked

**Author's Note:**

> this one's for Lory <3 happy birthday to you bub! I couldn't make the one you wanted me to do so I did this one instead. I hope you love this one. :)
> 
> [this is the playlist :)](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/66yPgpPy0wELVGidKp3Zfq?si=CNcWvrh4TdavRy6BJIJElQ)

The first he knew this amazing boy, Soobin was at a friend's party.

It was almost 1 am, not even a drop of liquor ran in Soobin's veins. He was just sitting on a couch, a hundred percent sober, and a red cup was in his hand but with juice in it.

His eyes were just scanning inside the house where the party was held at. Soobin kept on looking at everyone who talked, danced, or did shots in hopes of seeing Beomgyu who he actually came with but was probably gone and busy now just to chase after Taehyun who the said boy was crushing on.

“Soobin, right?”

He nearly spat the juice he was drinking when someone who was around his height stood in front of him. And the fact that the guy seemed familiar made him cough for a few times, earning multiple hits on his chest to unblock the air passage.

“Uhh… yeah,” said Soobin as he pressed his lips into a thin line, eventually running his tongue over his lower lip when he felt it went dry from the little panic the guy gave him. “How'd you know my name?” he asked, chewing on his lower lip this time.

“I knew you from uni and probably because of common friends,” the boy answered with all casualness in it, offering his hand which Soobin took and lightly gave it a shake. “I'm HueningKai,” he introduced himself, placing both of his hands in his pocket as he showed a very friendly smile.

“I know,” Soobin smiled back, familiarizing the boy as one of those who were popular in their university for being a part of the choral society. He was one of the lead vocals, if Soobin wasn't mistaken.

“Do you wanna join us play a game? We've seen you sit here for a couple of minutes already. You should have some fun,” HueningKai encouraged him with a very endearing smile, looking to his sides just to make sure that Soobin was really alone or else it would be embarrassing to assume that he was.

He was as genuine as what Soobin had heard about him. But not even that was enough to make him change his mind. Or maybe he just wanted to be alone for the time being, even when he’s in the middle of an event where he should be socializing to his limits.

“But I don't really drink…” Soobin trailed off, settling the red cup on the table right beside him just to play with his own fingers—a thing he usually does when he's getting really nervous.

The image of being crowded and surrounded by unfamiliar faces, shouting and stuff, and things he wasn't in the mood to see flashed in his mind, and that ran a cold shiver down his spine which made him smile wryly to himself.

“I promise it doesn't involve any drinking,” and he smiled again, the last thing the boy could say as an encouragement.

Soobin liked associating with people in most cases, but never really liked doing it so in a party.

And so he said no.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“I'm upstairs, by the balcony… if you'd even think of looking for me,” he sighed through the voice call before sending it to Beomgyu, his forehead was leaning against one metal bar of the railings that he’s sure that it’ll somehow leave a mark.

That's where Soobin ended up going to. Especially when right after rejecting the boy's offer to join a certain game, a group of people came crashing in the party (they were probably at the backyard where the extension of the party was) and decided to sit on the couch with them prodding Soobin out of drunkenness which clearly made him uncomfortable.

He was just grateful for being able to escape them and found a flight of stairs which led him to the second floor, a balcony to his right was waiting for it to be opened.

“Should I go home?” he asked himself as he held on to two metal bars as though he’s behind bars, lightly banging his head against the railing until it hurt him a little bit, making him place his hand over that area and then gently caressing his own forehead to drive the pain he got from hitting it and outstretch the marks.

“It's up to you.”

It’s funny to think how Soobin asked himself and when someone did the favor of answering for him, he actually jumped from his place, making him lose grip of his phone and then dropping it on the floor that created a thud sound although it didn't fall that hard and that high.

“Jesus, why do people keep on talking to me out of nowhere,” he whispered, not giving a spare second to look at the guy who spoke just so he can get his phone first which was important as hell to anybody. “When were you there?” he asked when he saw no scratches on his phone, whipping his head to look back at the person who stood behind him.

Oh god. His heartbeat which haven't gotten over yet from being surprised seemed to triple its speed this time.

Choi Yeonjun.

“I just got here,” the boy answered, taking light steps towards Soobin and then standing next to him although the latter was sitting comfortably on the carpeted floor of the balcony. “Do you mind if I sit next to you?”

“No?” Soobin answered as if he's asking a question. He shook his head then blinked for a few times, quite unbelievable that Yeonjun was there next to him. “I mean it's not my place so you shouldn't even ask me,” he added, flushing red with how smart and dumb he sounded at the same time.

“Point taken,” Yeonjun chuckled to himself, sweeping the floor where he was supposed to sit at and then finally settling there, eyes moving to look at Soobin when their knees touched, causing them to move away a little from each other before exchanging small smiles.

“I'm sorry you had to see me talking to myself. That's actually embarrassing,” Soobin admitted, his voice went soft and little.

His eyes kept on averting to anything except at the boy next to him because one look might actually let the other boy see how Soobin felt a little wary.

Wary in many ways that involved Yeonjun.

Choi Yeonjun who was known for joining too many activities in school. Choi Yeonjun who was known for being that person which university clubs were fighting to have. The Choi Yeonjun who excelled so much in classes that added to his already attractive physique and personality.

The Choi Yeonjun who sat next to him and was actually talking to someone like him.

“It's okay. I do that a lot too,” Yeonjun admitted as well, just to make Soobin more comfortable as the former saw how fidgety Soobin had gotten.

His thumb ran over the lock button for a few times already in the past minute, resulting for the phone to light up the screen and then not. It happened one too many times that Yeonjun even caught a glance of Soobin's wallpaper which was him and his dog touching their noses together.

And that was just cute if he'd think of it. Cute, he said to himself, when he would look at what Soobin was doing.

“What are you doing here alone though?” asked Yeonjun, shifting from his seat so he can lean against the railing instead, head tilting when his eyes went in direct contact with Soobin's soft and expressive one's.

“There were these people who made me uncomfortable when I was at the couch,” he answered with a small voice, finally giving up from playing his phone, and then placing it on his lap instead.

“Oh so that's why…” Yeonjun nodded to himself, his stare was directed on the floor.

“What is?” Soobin asked, curious as to why Yeonjun unconsciously said that.

“I was the one to ask HueningKai to go to you and ask you to join us for a game, but then…” he looked at Soobin. “...you disappeared.”

This time, Soobin turned his head to look at him.

And although the information was supposedly surprising to Soobin as it involved Yeonjun, the latter seemed a little too cozy leaning on his back, eyes sharing the same intensity Soobin gave, and a playful smile was dancing on his lips.

“Did you look for me?” Soobin questioned the other in a small voice, completely covering up how brave Soobin was actually to ask that.

“Maybe,” Yeonjun played along, taking one deep breath when the wind blew which gave that cold feeling to the two of them, especially to Soobin when it touched his skin as he was only wearing a black shirt, obviously showing how unprepared he was to attend the party. “You're in a party and you're alone… that's something unusual to see.”

Yeonjun stood from his place, dusting off his pants and then cleaning off his own hands as he offered one to Soobin.

“Well, you got company now. I'm Yeonjun. Choi Yeonjun.”

“Who wouldn't know you?” Soobin smiled as he shook Yeonjun's hand, unaware of what was the real intention Yeonjun offered it. “I'm Soobin.”

“How can I not know you?” Yeonjun asked back. It caught Soobin off guard and the fact that Yeonjun's hand stayed in its place as it still looked like it's being offered to Soobin made him more confused.

“Of course you won't know me. I'm not really that interactive in uni and I'm too lazy to join any extracurricular activities,” he said to himself, looking down for a bit and then tilting his head up to look at Yeonjun once again. “Why is your hand still there?”

Yeonjun shook his head as he let out a low chuckle. He didn't retract his hand from where it was and instead, he moved it for his palm to face upward. The intention was now clear for Soobin when the latter placed his hand over Yeonjun's soft one's, who helped him to get up from his seat.

“When I asked you how I cannot know you, I didn't literally mean it like that,” Yeonjun informed the other, his hand stayed on holding Soobin's hand. “I do know you… but can I know you more? If you would let me.”

Soobin liked spending up all night with his friends, but never really liked doing it so with a stranger.

But maybe it's okay. This guy was known to be amazing, anyway. And he wanted to see it himself. Choi Yeonjun might be worth the shot.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“Hey…”

“Hi,” Soobin smiled, receiving a light squeeze on his hand when Yeonjun sat next to him, therefore making him close the novel he's reading because all of his attention would be given to the boy who just arrived now.

And it’s not like he could put all of his concentration on the book when a whole Yeonjun with his all so damned attractive features was next to him, face close to his, keeping him focused more than ever.

The next time Soobin met Yeonjun, they automatically clicked. Hang out after hang out, movies after movies, friends meeting friends. Growing closer to him was far from being difficult.

To be honest, Soobin didn’t think of a next time. That maybe ditching the party that night to go for a stroll in the park, eat ice cream, and spend the remaining hours with each other right before the sun rose would be the first and the last time.

But of course, when he least expected, Yeonjun approached him again.

He was sitting on a bench during that time, waiting for Beomgyu to arrive so they can go out of the campus together with Taehyun for a lunch break, when Yeonjun approached him and told Soobin that Beomgyu’s coming along with the rest of Yeonjun’s friends, and that he should join too.

And that was the first of many. Then it goes on and on, and this day was one of it.

“How did your day go?” asked Yeonjun as he signaled one of the waiters to take their order.

Soobin did not even need to tell the other what his order was going to be because he already knew. With all those days they spent together with their new joint circle of friends or whether they were alone, how could Yeonjun not know, right?

“Fine, as always,” he answered, leaning back on his seat. His right shoulder came in contact with Yeonjun's chest. That's how close they were next to each other. “How about you?” he asked back.

Yeonjun heaved a deep sigh, closing his eyes as he leaned his chin on Soobin's shoulder. Soobin felt Yeonjun's weight on him as the latter felt too relaxed as he casted his body for support.

“Basketball coach had to tire us out,” the older huffed, chuckling when Soobin moved away from him because his breath tickled the other when it hit the area just below his ear. “Still ticklish?” he asked, poking Soobin's neck with the use of his own hair before laughing.

“When was I not?” Soobin answered, shoving Yeonjun by his shoulders when he tried to tickle him again. “Stop, Jun. You're sweaty.”

Yeonjun kept on chuckling when he moved away a little, giving space to Soobin who covered his neck with the use of his hands. But as he saw how beads of sweat formed on Yeonjun's hairline, his hands immediately went off of his neck to pull his handkerchief out of his pocket.

“Here,” Soobin offered it to Yeonjun, waiting for the other to reach out for it but he didn't.

“Too tired,” the older smiled, eyes closed. It's obvious how he's being a tease.

“Then move closer,” Soobin demanded, to which the latter complied without letting a second or two pass.

“God, that feels nice,” the older sighed in a way it exhibited so much contentment when gentle pats of a handkerchief came in contact with his skin. “Is this how it feels to be taken care of Choi Soobin?” he teased with his eyes closed, still feeling how meticulous the other was over something small.

“Why are you asking now? I've been like this to you since time immemorial… maybe,” Soobin muttered, shrugging off his shoulders when he realized how things took a change between the two of them without him knowing. “When did I even start to become like this to you?” he asked, dropping off the hanky to his lap to put his hand below Yeonjun's chin and make his fingers reach out to both sides of his cheeks to squish them.

“I also don't know,” Yeonjun replied as he tilted his head on the right, leaning onto Soobin's hand to feel his touch.

Yeonjun opened his eyes to meet Soobin's dark orbs. If it weren't for the waiter who lightly placed their orders on the glass table yet still made a clack sound, they wouldn't have to move away from each other.

Then both of their phones buzzed at the same time, indicating how they both received a message from their group chat, asking the two of them where they were.

“They're on their way here,” Yeonjun smiled to himself, moving a little further from Soobin just for enough space to be seen between them.

And honest to god, Soobin felt like that space was something that Yeonjun had set up for him to know where he should stand in the latter's life.

So he gulped to swallow the lump in his throat, also swallowing the words he wanted to say—or ask rather. Things he wanted to spit out but would rather keep it to himself—by now, maybe. Because if he did it now, it wouldn't even make sense. As he himself doesn't even know why he's bothered by such.

It's just a goddamned space.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“You've been quiet the whole time.”

“Hmm?”

Soobin hummed when the car went to a stop right infront where he lives. His head turned to look at Yeonjun who had his eyes on Soobin as soon as he stopped the engine.

The other's hands rested on the steering wheel, twisting it a little when Soobin didn't answer immediately. Then Yeonjun moved his right hand on the gear shift, tightly gripping it for some reason when Soobin quickly averted his gaze on the outside.

“I said you were quiet. When they arrived and even when we were on our way home,” Yeonjun muttered, eventually letting go of the steering wheel to lean his elbow against the frame of the side window, his fingers finding its way to play his lower lip.

“Were you uncomfortable with my silence?” Soobin asked, pressing the button to roll down the window as he felt like he can barely breathe. “I'm sorry,” he breathed, just enough for Yeonjun to hear.

“Don't be,” Yeonjun answered back, never taking his eyes off of Soobin.

His right hand let go of the shift to hold one of Soobin's hand, making the other look back at him instead of spending his remaining time just looking at the outside.

“Is there anything wrong?” Yeonjun asked Soobin with such softness in his voice.

His hand kept on sending light squeezes on Soobin's—something that the younger loves so much. Especially when Yeonjun would let his thumb run gentle touches across his knuckles, or when it would find its way to get in between his finger gaps.

It's Yeonjun who averted his gaze this time when he felt like Soobin's looking back at him way too deeply.

“Nothing…” Soobin mumbled, his eyes traveling down to appreciate how soothing it has always felt to have Yeonjun's hand in his.

Their fingers played for quite some time until Yeonjun took the opportunity to completely entwine his fingers with Soobin's, filling in the gap and then sharing warmth to each other by the small skinship.

“Then why does it seem like something is bothering you?” Yeonjun looked up again to ask, smiling gently at Soobin who returned back a smile. “You know you can always talk to me.”

“Just thinking of something,” Soobin admitted, alternately looking at Yeonjun's pretty face and then their hands which seemed a little too dependent with each other to even bother letting go. “I'll tell these thoughts to you one day.”

And when would that be? Soobin has no idea. One day, when all courage, words, and thoughts has been gathered. Maybe, one day.

It was 30 minutes before it'll hit midnight. So before Yeonjun stays way past the time said, Soobin had to let go and urge Yeonjun to go home. As much as he wanted to ask the latter to spend the rest of the night in one of the spare rooms, Soobin felt like he didn't have the right title to ask for that.

Although it's something a normal friend would offer to the other, it just doesn't feel right for him.

And besides, it's not like Yeonjun would want to stay. It's not like they're normal friends. Oh god, they're far from being what normal friends do.

“Wait.”

Soobin turned to his heel, surprised when Yeonjun's arm quickly snaked around his waist. Yeonjun's free hand took ahold of Soobin's chin, tilting the latter's head for a bit and then proceeded on asking something that made Soobin's heart jackhammer against his chest.

“Can I?” Yeonjun asked, his eyes sparkled as it looked back at Soobin's stary ones, glinting so much from the proximity.

“Can you what?” Soobin asked, fisting his hands from his sides from wanting so much to touch Yeonjun to maybe balance himself as his knees felt way too weak to stand for a couple more seconds.

“Why did I even ask?” the older muttered to himself, moving his hand on the lower part of Soobin's back and then pushing the said boy closer to him, kissing him right in the mouth, sweetness lingering on his soft lips.

Just like what Soobin said, they're far from normal. Honestly, that felt like one step further to the word normal itself. And Soobin has no idea how far can he go for this.

Because friends don't kiss like that. Not when the other holds him too tight. Not when one of them holds onto the other's shoulder. Not when Soobin closed his eyes and felt fireworks bursting from his chest with the way Yeonjun kissed him.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

Well one time became two, two became three, three became more, and then more had lead Soobin to losing count of the times.

Times where Yeonjun did things that made Soobin felt like he's going to lose his sanity. Things that people around them started to question because it became more than usual.

“What is even happening?” asked a sleepy Soobin, dropping his duffel bag on Taehyun’s side, eyeing people who were eyeing him as well.

He came in late to a party, only for Soobin to see how people might have been talking about him for quite some time with the way they lowly talked among themselves but with their eyes planted on the boy who just arrived.

“Goodness, Soobin, you’re already sleepy?” the boy asked, checking his phone for the time. “And it’s just 8 in the evening.”

“I know,” Soobin yawned as he dropped himself on a bean bag. “Do you know what’s up? Why are they looking at me?” he asked with droopy eyes, oblivious to whatever was happening, but sure as hell that it’s about him.

“Well…” Taehyun began, taking a sip in his red cup before tilting it towards the pool where Beomgyu and the rest of their circle was, “…we are in Yeonjun’s party,” he continued, blinking a few times.

“And…”

“The person who threw this party is Yeonjun, right?” Taehyun repeated as he chuckled, making Soobin chuckle as well when he realized how the other boy sounded a little hammered from drinking salted caramel flavored liquor which smelled good, actually. “Well his special boy has arrived. Of course, everyone would talk about you two.”

As much as Soobin wanted to say anything rhetorical to that, or simply say no, heat had already taken over the entirety of his body even though he hadn’t drink anything just yet. His cheeks were painted pink, eyes traveling down to look at the brand of liquor Taehyun has been drinking just to avoid the scandalous look that the latter threw at him.

“Don’t be shy now, everyone knows that’s true,” Taehyun teased again, laughing to himself when he chugged the whole drink, pouring some more. “Why are you even late, anyway? Yeonjun has been looking for you since the party started.”

Soobin stretched his arms. “I stayed up all night talking to Yeonjun over the phone. I woke up late because of that and still did some errands. I have informed Yeonjun that I’ll be late though,” he continued, shaking his head no when Taehyun offered him a drink.

“See? If that ain’t special, then I don’t know what is.”

The night went throughout with that running in Soobin’s mind. Each time Yeonjun would pull him by his side to introduce him to a new set of friends made him question himself some more.

He questioned what they have. Because it’s been happening more often than not. That he’s starting to feel different. That they have never talked about it. That they did not put any mark on it.

A label… a proper one.

Until the party ended and everyone who was left was their original circle of friends.

Everyone was doing their own thing. To sum it all up, everyone was already inside. They’re either picking a movie to watch, preparing more food and drinks, or maybe they were changing into a new set of clothes especially those who have gotten out of the pool because it’s starting to get cold.

It’s 2 AM, and their circle was together except for Soobin and Yeonjun.

Soobin was sitting by the edge of the pool; his legs were dipped in the water. And somehow he felt relieved when he said no to Yeonjun when the latter asked him if he wanted to take a dip as it was cold outside. Even the water has gotten cold.

But that didn’t seem to affect Yeonjun who just kept on diving into the pool.

“Aren’t you cold yet?” Soobin asked the moment Yeonjun went on the surface, watching the boy push his hair back to remove excess water. “You might get sick,” he said. His voice was laced with worry, hands were clammy against a thick white towel he was holding for Yeonjun.

“I’ve drank enough alcohol to keep myself warm,” Yeonjun laughed, not even a drip of toxicity was void in his voice.

Soobin knew that the other has a high tolerance for alcohol, but he had no idea if it’s because of that or maybe Yeonjun drank a little but drank a strong one to which why Yeonjun could still stay inside the pool.

“But you’re not drunk?” Soobin questioned when Yeonjun swam on the surface to get to where the other was.

“I’m not,” he smiled adorably, scrunching his nose at how Soobin pouted at him.

Soobin had his thighs pressed against each other from the coldness. He was wearing board shorts and a tank top, but with another towel draped over his shoulders to avoid the cold touch of the wind on his skin.

“Are you finally getting out then?” Soobin asked, hopefully wanting Yeonjun to do so because he felt his toes going numb from how freezing it was. “Yeonjun, come on.”

“I won’t…” he teased, making a tune with the way he answered as Yeonjun placed both of his arms on top of Soobin’s lap to stay up on the surface without exerting much effort with his legs.

He placed his chin on top of his arms as he closed his eyes, staying still in his place. Yeonjun’s broad chest came in contact with Soobin’s knees, making the latter realize that Yeonjun was lying when he said he still felt warm.

“Yeonjun, come on…” he urged the other again, stretching out the towel and then started to dry off Yeonjun’s hair. “You’re cold.”

Yeonjun made a low chuckle when Soobin gently wiped his face with the towel, having his nose pinched when Soobin did so because the older was being a little annoying and adorable at the same time.

“Alright… alright,” Yeonjun gave in, getting out of the pool by the edge just beside where Soobin was before shaking his head like a puppy drenched in water. “It is cold.”

“See?” Soobin felt like he’s a nagging mom when he walked closer to Yeonjun, helping the other to dry off. He took the spare towel off of his shoulders and draped it on Yeonjun instead before continuing his work on towel-drying Yeonjun’s hair.

And as he did so, although he didn’t take a glance, he felt with his entirety that Yeonjun’s orbs were on his. Observing him with such ardency in his eyes, pupils were dilating.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, voice seeming a little faint because of Yeonjun’s stare.

“It is cold,” Yeonjun answered when their eyes met, a little smile was on his face. “Thank you,” he added when Soobin wiped his shoulder.

“It’s no big deal,” the boy answered, eyes widening a little when he felt Yeonjun’s hands take place on his sides all of a sudden.

A cold shiver ran down on his spine, a combination of the cold whip of the wind against his skin and also because of Yeonjun’s touch.

“God, your hands are cold,” Soobin stated to escape whatever Yeonjun was doing as it was driving him wild–heart, mind, every fiber of his being included. “Let’s get you warm?” he asked.

And Yeonjun nodded. But with a different definition of warm in his head.

So he stole a kiss which Soobin expected and did not expect at the same time.

Expected, because it happened one too many times already. Did not expect, because it’s Yeonjun–and the boy was random… and maybe because they weren’t dating so Soobin questioned if he deserved those kisses.

But then Soobin dropped the towel he was holding when Yeonjun dived in for another kiss knowing how and what way Yeonjun likes it, placing one of his hands on the latter’s shoulder, and the other immediately finding its way to hold onto Yeonjun’s nape before letting his fingers go up a little to run through the other’s hair, eventually tugging at it.

Yeonjun’s grip tightened around Soobin’s waist, letting his other hand travel its way on Soobin’s lower back, pushing the other to him in the closest way possible as he was in need of more warmth and maybe more of Soobin as well.

And maybe Yeonjun liked being friends with Soobin, but never really liked becoming lovers. So Soobin would just settle with that. If it’s what the other could only give, then he’ll let him be. He’s too involved already to back out.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“So… Yeji?”

“What?” asked Soobin when he removed his earphones.

It was one of those days where either Soobin or Beomgyu would visit the other's home. Beomgyu excused himself earlier when he received a call, leaving Soobin in the kitchen who was copying the notes he wasn't able to take down when he purposely ditched his classes for Yeonjun.

Beomgyu came in, immediately mentioning someone's name which Soobin wasn't able to understand as he was listening to a song. He wasn't even able to read Beomgyu's mouth so he had to remove his earphones.

“What were you saying?” Soobin asked again while he played with one ear bud.

“Not what, who…” answered Beomgyu, placing his phone on the counter as he took the seat right in front of Soobin. “Yeji,” he repeated.

Soobin's eyes squinted at the familiar name. He swore he heard that name somewhere when he was passing by the hallway or when he was in the catwalk. He somehow felt bad at how the said name might be gossiped by people in their university for whatever reason there is.

“Heard her name,” Soobin answered, stopping from playing with his earphones and then leaving it on the table next to his phone which he opened for a second to see if he received any messages from Yeonjun—and there was none.

“Well that's because her name's going around our university,” Beomgyu stated as though it was a matter of fact that Soobin should've known.

“I feel bad for her,” Soobin muttered under his breath, remembering how his name was once dragged along with Yeonjun when they were rumored to be together although they're not and nothing has changed about that. “What did she do?”

“Well…” the other trailed off, spinning his stool as he prolonged his sentence. And when he completely turned 360, Soobin's eyes were on his. “Same as you.”

“Why me?” Soobin chuckled to himself. “Oh, she's rumored to be dating someone,” he added, comparing the lady to what situation he had been through. “With who though?” he asked, sounding a little curious now.

“Yeonjun.”

Soobin's head shot up from so much surprise. That name was something his whole being has familiarized, that even the mere mention of his name would trigger something inside him.

And this one wasn't different. Except for something that made his stomach churn.

“Oh… they're dating?” he asked, his breath was shaky. He tightened his grip on the ballpen as he wrote as his handwriting seemed wobbly. “I didn't know. He didn't tell me.”

“No, that's not my point,” Beomgyu huffed as he got down from the stool. He walked towards where Soobin was sitting, forcefully making the other turn to face him so he can question Soobin about it. “I thought there's something going on between you two.”

“And the same goes to you and Taehyun,” Soobin rolled his eyes upward, slamming his notebook close and then crossing his arms.

“Ours is different. Taehyun and I are dating,” Beomgyu spat out.

“And I didn't know?” Soobin unbelievably said, his voice sounded betrayed as he felt he really was.

“And I didn't know you two weren't friends nor lovers,” the other pointed out, his forefinger went to poke Soobin's chest to make sure his words get inside the latter's wholebeing. “Why are you settling for less?”

“I'm not,” he avoided like a plague, sounding too defensive.

Soobin got down from his stool, a hundred percent sure that he was ready to leave until he remembered that he was in his own home and he can't just leave Beomgyu unattended.

He groaned to himself when he realized that he had no choice but to act calm as much as possible, not even minding why his thoughts suddenly went tangled when there's nothing to be bothered anyway.

“You wouldn't leave if you don't feel like my words hit you like a bullet.”

Soobin turned his head towards Beomgyu's direction. His eyes looked like it was sending glares, as it was his only way to make the other shut up. Not when words formed inside his head but not being able to voice it out.

“It's true,” Beomgyu mumbled, taking hold of the pen Soobin dropped from his attempt to leave as quickly as possible, and then twisting it with his fingers. “Along the lines of being a friend and a lover, you stand between them.”

“I know…” Soobin mumbled back, eventually giving up from trying to leave. He went back to one of the stools and leaned his whole weight against the kitchen counter. “I know now…” he repeated what has been a blur inside his head for quite some time now.

Soobin kept mum after muttering those words. Thoughts clouded his head all at once that he wasn't able to express any of those, not even one. And as much as he tried to open his mouth and say anything about it, he withdrew quickly, afraid that one word would be enough to let the pain crash onto him .

Beomgyu placed a hand on Soobin's shoulder, showing a very welcoming smile to indicate how much he's willing to listen to the other and make him feel that whatever it is, it'll be okay. Not now, but eventually.

“What are you gonna do about it?” he asked, rubbing soothing circles on Soobin's shoulder.

“I honestly don't know,” Soobin answered, like what he always answered whenever he stood infront of a mirror and asked his reflection.

What is he gonna do about being more than a friend but less than a lover? He doesn't know.

Because staying as friends would always make him feel like it's lacking, especially when he knew that a part of his heart wanted Yeonjun. Or maybe even the entirety of it.

And then wanting to be lovers may mean asking for something Yeonjun can't give. Because if Yeonjun can give it to him then they should've been lovers from the very first time it felt like they were.

Soobin grew likeness in being in between. And now that another name was being placed instead of his, he realized that maybe he never really liked it.

Because now, he finally knew what line should he stand on, then be able to stand on it with all firmness, and also be able to love Yeonjun without the thought of his place in Yeonjun's life to hold him back.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

It was one fine Friday afternoon. Classes ended early because of an immediate meeting the school staff and administration had to attend. And just like what Soobin has gotten used to, instead of going home after the early dismissal, he was actually staying in Yeonjun's penthouse for the meantime.

Soobin was sitting on a stool, his eyes kept wandering around the penthouse although it was something his eyes has gotten used to seeing almost everyday since he and Yeonjun has gotten closer.

Has Yeji visited here? Was she able to taste anything that Yeonjun cooked? Or did Yeonjun even tried to cook for her? Have they watched movies? Did Yeonjun let her lean on his shoulders? Did he lend her a spare shirt?

No matter what he does, his mind would drift off to Yeji and Yeonjun. Every possibility. Everything they did before she came along. Everything that Yeonjun's doing with Yeji now, instead of Soobin who he usually did it with.

All those stuff that more than friends but less than lovers do.

Their late night drives around the city, but still going home. The need to touch, but eventually letting go. Those deep kisses, but no emotions attached to it. The feeling of wanting to ask for something, but they can't because there's no name in it. Those late night talks, but without saying i love you's to end it.

“You've been spacing out these days, what's up?”

Yeonjun placed a tray of freshly baked lasagna on the table. His eyes stayed on Soobin as he took off the pot-holders he was wearing and then hanging it by the hooks right above the induction stove.

“You'd usually gush me when I cook for you,” Yeonjun noticed as he took two cans of soda from his refrigerator, opening one to pour it out in a glass and then giving it to Soobin. “Let's talk about it.”

“No!” Soobin said almost defensive, shaking his head when Yeonjun suggested that before sitting still, repeating it again. “No, it's okay.”

“You kept on saying that,” Yeonjun huffed as he sat on the stool in front of Soobin. He clasped his hands together, putting it on top of the table when he had set aside the plate to lean closer. “Nothing would happen if you'd keep it to yourself. Come on, tell me,” he prodded.

“It's nothing, I swear,” Soobin took ahold of the knife to slice the lasagna when Yeonjun took it from his hand, making him gasp because of the possibility that one of them could've gotten hurt. “Yeonjun!” he called out for the other's action.

“What? The food can wait. Tell your thoughts to me now,” the other demanded, to which Soobin got annoyed that he rolled his eyes upward, squinting his eyes at Yeonjun to give him a pissed look.

“Fine! Do you really want me to tell it to you?” Soobin asked, his brows were furrowed from so much frustration that ran through his veins. “Yeji,” he breathed. “Tell me things about you and Yeji.”

And then Yeonjun's forehead creased, his eyes looked like it's asking a thousand questions to Soobin. He then rolled his eyes and started to slice the food himself, disregarding the question.

“What about her? She's no big deal,” he casually answered, putting the first slice on Soobin's plate, appearing calm unlike Soobin who can't stay put in his seat.

“If she's not a big deal then why not talk about her? You literally prodded me to say what I wanted to say so that we can talk about it and now that I did, you don't want to talk about it anymore,” Soobin said with no pauses, running out of breath by the way he roughly spat it out.

“Why are you being like this, Soobin?” asked Yeonjun when he dropped the knife to put all of his focus to Soobin. He was starting to equate the frustration Soobin was giving him.

“I don't know, you tell me," Soobin huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest, eyes digging through Yeonjun's soul, wanting for answers.

“Stop being like this, it's so fucking annoying.”

And Yeonjun stood from his seat, turning his back on Soobin who kept looking at him with eyes he couldn't resist especially when the other would make it glossy. Then he leaned against the counter, right next to the sink. Hands were clutching tightly on the edge.

“I haven't seen you for two days and this is what you'd like to talk about?” the older asked Soobin whose sharp gaze didn't falter. “Don't be like this,” Yeonjun almost sounded like he's begging, not wanting to push through with the topic because he was not ready like Soobin was.

Soobin did not mutter a word first, thinking of the reason why he didn't show up to Yeonjun for two days.

Well that's because he did it on purpose. He tried to avoid the other by not attending classes. Soobin also reached the point where he had put his phone on airplane mode.

It's because he needed all the time to think things through, realizing how much it'll hurt him to let Yeonjun slip out of his hold without even giving a fight for it. And also realizing, how bad it might turn out to be if Yeonjun did not reciprocate any that he's feeling towards the other.

But he just hoped for the best… and worst, just in case.

“But I want to know…” Soobin whispered under his breath, biting his lower lip to stop himself from tearing up.

It was hurting him… so he needed to find out the truth.

“There's nothing about me and Yeji, okay?” Yeonjun answered back, quite tired of the same old topic he's been hearing the whole day, especially that his name's being dragged again. “Why are you even being like this?

“I don't know...” Soobin heaved a sigh.

“Then stop,” said Yeonjun as he massaged his temple. The tiredness he got from training the whole day made things worse, letting his mind run irrationally. “We're not even dating…” he added.

Then there's a deafening silence. But to Soobin, he heard his own heart breaking, cracking up a sarcastic smile to Yeonjun.

“Oh wow,” Soobin said almost unbelievably, chuckling to himself as he got up from his seat. “Don't shove it down my throat.”

“Soobin… that's not what I meant,” Yeonjun moved almost too quickly, wanting to hold Soobin by his wrist before he walks away.

“No, it's okay. It's true anyway. And now it came out of your mouth,” Soobin smiled, his eyes watered. “I-I just… I just didn't…” he was unable to form words anymore.

“Soobin…”

“I gotta go…” said Soobin, finally turning his back so he can let the tears freely fall down now.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“Soobin, that's enough.”

“No!” Soobin laughed as he swayed to the music that was playing, putting his cup up high and taking his height as an advantage when Beomgyu tried to take away the red cup he was holding. “Gyu, I'm not even drunk.”

“One, you never drink…” Beomgyu counted on his fingers like a kid. “Two, that's vodka,” he said, attempting to grab the cup again only to fail and be pushed by someone else who was also dancing.

“Let me be,” Soobin emptied the cup in his hand, letting the liquid burn his throat from how strong it was.

In a span of three days right after Soobin heard those words from Yeonjun, his life went upside down. The life he lived with Yeonjun for months disappeared in a second that Soobin wasn't able to adjust well.

First day consisted of him crying the fuck out of his eyes, locking himself in his room, and taking off their pictures on the corkboard. Until he realized how many clothes he borrowed from Yeonjun, how his sheets smelled like Yeonjun, how he's wearing a necklace that Yeonjun gave.

Day two was just as bad, or maybe worse, even. Soobin completely ignored every message and calls he got from the circle he belonged to, completely draining his phone just to stop himself from looking through the messages he had with Yeonjun and all those pictures together.

Second day also consisted of him watching action movies and crying to it when he realized that he finished watching everything because it's what Yeonjun would choose whenever he would come over to spend his day with Soobin.

Third day was the current day.

Soobin spent the entire dawn pigging out by ordering greasy food, watching rom-com movies which he cried to again, and then finishing two gallons of ice cream.

And when the night falls, he searched for the nearest party he can join, hailing a cab to drive him there, all so damned ready to get more damned than he already was.

“I'm getting over someone who isn't even my ex,” Soobin bitterly said, dropping the cup on the floor to force Beomgyu to dance. “Share my sentiment as my best friend!” he encouraged the other.

“I should call Yeonjun—”

“Don't!” he panicked, snatching the phone from Beomgyu's grip and then putting it in his own pocket. “We're not together, Gyu. He doesn't care. He doesn't need to keep his eyes on me,” he sadly smiled.

Beomgyu felt so bad for Soobin. He tried reaching out to the other in any way he can but Soobin was just too stubborn to even talk about it to anyone. Beomgyu might have also tried to ask Yeonjun about it but he was just as mum as the other was, not being able to help any of the two.

And before he can even hold onto Soobin who was slowly getting dragged away from him because of the sea of people who kept on dancing, the other has been moved to another part of the dancefloor.

The next song that played wasn't even a hard one. It just so happened that people can easily vibe with it and the fact that it shot bullets straight through Soobin's heart made him close his eyes, not caring a bit with what will happen to him.

He just wanted to dance and feel the music, like his heart stayed whole.

I don't wanna be alone tonight (alone tonight)  
It's pretty clear that I'm not over you (over you, over you)  
I'm still thinking 'bout the things you do (things you do)  
So I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight

Soobin swayed to the beat, letting the liquor run through his veins, eventually almost tripping in his own feet from being a little wasted from the small amount he took in.

But instead of dropping on the floor when he got dizzy, a pair of arms caught him from the back. The grip was tight, arms were snaking to wrap around his thin waist, steadying him, keeping him on the ground.

“Thank you, stranger,” Soobin giggled from drunkenness, eyes still closed.

He was tired from everything. Too tired from crying, especially. That opening his eyes at that very moment felt tiring so he chose to keep his heavy eyelids closed.

Can you light the fire? (light the fire, light the fire)  
I need somebody who can take control (take control)  
I know exactly what I need to do  
'Cause I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight

Soobin did not feel any discomfort from the stranger. That the unknown person could've done things to take advantage of Soobin's hazy state of mind but actually didn't.

Just a pair of arms to keep him sane.

And so he danced with the stranger.

“Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new. Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger,” Soobin sang, a smile was plastered across his lips.

Then the stranger went close—too close for Soobin's liking. That Soobin realized the way the stranger held him. The way the stranger's scent was familiar. The way his simple hum shot goosebumps all over Soobin's body.

“You can't be with somebody new…”

Soobin moved away, immediately turning to look at the person who he thought was a stranger.

“What are you doing here?” Soobin asked, Yeonjun's wholebeing was driving away the hammered feeling he felt from the vodka.

Like the whole world stopped and it's just Yeonjun.

“The dj recognized you…” Yeonjun answered as he glanced at the person who sent him Soobin's location. “I've been looking for you for days, Soobin.”

“And why?” Soobin asked, furrowing his eyebrows when he was slightly pushed by people who were jumping around. “Really had to be here, right when I'm being happy… even if it's just temporary.”

“Soobin…” Yeonjun reached out for the other, taking Soobin's hand in his like he usually do. “Please let's talk.”

“There's nothing to talk about, Yeonjun. It's pretty clear that you don't feel the same way.”

Soobin was a little drunk, but not drunk enough to not recognize how in deep pain he was because of Yeonjun. And so he pushed his way out of the club, muttering an 'excuse me' every time he'd bump into someone.

And when he had gotten out, he heaved so deeply because of the dire need to breathe freely. To breathe and let his heart take a break as well.

“Soobin, please spare me an hour or—”

“What do you want?” Soobin said aloud in the parking area, wanting to finally voice it out instead of letting the words rot inside. “I don't want to talk about it, okay? I've heard enough. My heart's breaking enough.”

“No. Let me explain first, please,” Yeonjun begged, wanting to touch Soobin, but chose not to.

“What is there to explain?” Soobin asked through gritted teeth, letting his drunk thoughts let out as it was his sober words. “I just want to stay away because I can't be what you want me to be.”

Yeonjun swallowed hard when he saw how Soobin's knuckles turned white from the tight grip he had on the hem of his shirt. He swallowed hard when he felt how badly it tore him apart to see Soobin crying. It hurt him when Soobin moved away—when the other walked away without being able to say what he also wanted to say.

“You want us to act like lovers but stay as friends? I can't do that,” Soobin muttered with all honesty, letting his emotions take over him. “I want more than that, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun opened his mouth, but no words came out.

“I want to hold you, kiss you, be with you, and be everything with you without being limited because of the place I hold in your life,” he cried. “See?” Soobin pointed at him. “You can't even say anything because it's true.”

It was as if Soobin had belittled himself some more. He felt so down as though he's at his lowest. That maybe he should've walked away because it seems like Yeonjun won't chase after him anyway.

“But I want more than that too…”

Soobin brought his hands down from covering his face and looked at Yeonjun. A frown was on his face.

“I'm not even that drunk, why am I hearing things?” he asked Yeonjun while making big gestures with his hands, obvious that he's far from sober. “Please stop giving me false hopes—”

One kiss.

“Stop kissing me if you don't mean it!” Soobin shoved Yeonjun away, ready to cry again as he felt like a toy being played over and over again.

So Yeonjun kissed him again.

“I mean it…” Yeonjun breathed out with eyes closed. His hands were holding Soobin's face to tilt the other's head, holding him so dearly, like what he always did. “I am sorry if I made you feel like I was just toying with you.”

“And Yeji?” Soobin sniffed, nose red from so much crying he did.

“She kept on approaching me but I said no,” Yeonjun muttered under his breath as he opened his eyes and watched his forefinger run soothing touches on Soobin's jaw from cupping the latter's face. “I can't be with someone new and you can't be with someone new.”

And just like that, the heavy weight on Soobin's shoulders have been lifted. He felt way too happy to express it to words. So he chose to throw his arms around Yeonjun and kiss him instead, because it already meant so much to them.

“You better ask me to date you exclusively and make up for all the tears I cried and food I ate,” Soobin threatened Yeonjun as he rode the shotgun seat, the seat he has taken since the very beginning, but now he's going to be sitting on it for real… and for a long time now.

“I understand the tears… but the food?” Yeonjun laughed, locking Soobin's seatbelt as the other was drunk, still.

“I pigged out!” Soobin whined, hitting the dashboard at the very thought, “this is your fault.”

“It's okay,” Yeonjun chuckled to himself, ready to drive Soobin home. “I love you, still,” he muttered, taking Soobin's hand in his and then kissing his knuckles.

Uncertainty has never been that scary, not until Soobin and Yeonjun met each other.

And Soobin liked but never really liked the set up he had with Yeonjun.

More than friends, less than lovers.

But that's bound to change anyway. Because that's the very first thing Yeonjun would ask the moment Soobin wakes up from being so drunk.

To finally be lovers, after months of being just friends and putting no label to it.

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me your thoughts! 
> 
> crownsfortxt for my cc, gyuinara on twitter
> 
> thank you soooo much!


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